Announcements for 2016!

Happy New Year! I’ve been in the lab plotting and planning some changes for 2016. I’m not talking about macro-level changes that will redefine who I am or how I identify. Instead, I’m talking about micro-level changes that will raise a few eyebrows and maybe perk up a few nipples. I’ve experienced a spectacular 2015 and I look forward to upward mobility in a fantastic 2016!

It’s worth mentioning… Please be sure to shut down any of those people, including yourself, that (every year) talk shit about old year while claiming that new year will be, inexplicably, better. People who go through this annual lament never reflect on the fact that they said the same damned thing last year. They just can’t have it both ways. If you consistently reflect on your year in review to remember the cat shit and piss-soaked litter, you’ll overlook the pussy snuggles. Is Pussy Snuggles a band name? It should be. I’d buy tickets.

At any rate, check out this good shit! Here are some announcements for your socks and the blowing off of them.

School I’m (sort of) done with school. On Monday, December 7th, 2015, I turned in my last final for any class at Cal State University. I have completed all requirements for a BS in Kinesiology! I’m finally (sort of) done with school. Some of you know that I moved up here (to the Bay Area) with a three phase plan to change my life situation. Phase 1: Complete my tenure in the restaurant industry, pay off debt, save money, and retire from that industry. Estimated completion time: Three years (2010-2013). Actual time: Two years (2010-2012) because I hated my little shit of a GM and the company was dicking me around and showing no appreciation for my hard work. I quit, threw myself a retirement party (to drive home the point that I’m never returning to that industry), and I haven’t looked back. Phase 2: Earn my BS Kinesiology from Cal State East Bay. Estimated completion time: Two years (2013-2015). Actual time: Three years (2012-2015) because the Cal State system makes students take classes that have nothing to do with their degree program because, reasons. I’m not bitter. 😉 Phase 3: Earn my DPT (Doctorate Physical Therapy). That phase has since changed to MOT (Masters Occupational Therapy). Estimated completion time: two-three years (2015-2017/2018). Actual start time won’t be until 2017 because I still have to take some pre-reqs before applying (thanks again, Cal State) and the application period is in the Fall for the following Fall. With all of that said, I’m moving on to the next phase of school. But, I have finished one giant leap (that is a band name).

Online-liness The hub of my other websites (JetNoirMuse.com) has had a few aesthetic changes, music addition, and link updates. The blog (as I’m sure you’ve noticed) has changed its title to JetNoirWeekly.com Why? This way, it’s easier for people to remember and visit. Since purchasing that domain, I’ve had a lot more visitors! No need to change any of your bookmarks or RSS feed subscriptions. You’ll still get it just the way you like it, hot, deep, and just after midnight! So, take a look at the new layout with some cool links on the left. Be sure to tell your friends. Do you know why Germany is 2nd on the list of page views for JNW behind America? My friend has been forwarding my blog to his friends in Munich! Keep sending those links out to increase readership. Some of you have asked me about writing a book. I’d be open to that. But, first let’s get some more followers to get the publishers interested. 😉

Posting Self-Love BodyFaming.com has received a new submission bringing the project to a total of three! Will someone please send this website to Oprah so that she can help promote!? In the meanwhile, #BodyFaming will be getting a promotional boost from the front page of EastBayExpress.com Keep an eye out for that and please continue to spread the word about this project designed to change the conversations on body shaming. Let’s be proud of our physical vessel, despite societal standards.

Anti-Social Media I’ve (sort of) returned to Social Media. Let me start by saying, “Fuck, Facebook!” I still stand by that statement. For any Burlesque performer that has been kicked off of FB due to their real names policy, remember, they don’t want us there. Anything burlesque-ish with a bra on will be flagged as #porn and FB will take it down. However, “fitness models” can wear wet t-shirts and show penis pubes without such flags! WTF? Fuck those guys. Instead, I’ve returned to Twitter due to a class assignment. I kept it going when I remembered that there’s no moral policing on Twitter. My friends that work in the adult industry post all of their NSFW pics. I can post all of my nudes without worry of getting flagged. You can follow me @JetNoirMuse

Put This On Do you want my Jism* all over your chest? (*Jism is a Jet-ism, obviously, you pervs!) Check out JetNoir.Spreadshirt.com for shirts with my quotable Jet-isms (Jisms) imprinted on the front! “What’s the best that could happen?” Click on the link above (or on one of the aforementioned sites) to find out.

I look forward to growing this year (in many senses of the word) and meeting your friends, if only, virtually.

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Jet Noir Weekly’s 2015 In Review

Thank you, thank you, thank you! Thank you for letting me by myself. The weight of that phrase never meant too much until I got on stage and an audience accepted/enjoyed what I created. This brand of gratitude applies to burlesque stages and the world stage of the internets. This blog has traveled around the globe with a significant base of readers in Germany and the UK!  For all of the Number Nerds out there, here are some stats in the form of an annual report from WordPress.com for this blog (in infographic format). Enjoy! To see it all… Click here! CLICK HERE! Click here! CLICK HERE! Click here! CLICK HERE! Click here! CLICK HERE!

Here are my two favorite oddball/ironic stats: 1.) The number 2 referring site was Facebook. Ha! 2.) A San Francisco cable car holds 60 people. This blog was viewed about 3,400 times in 2015. If it were a cable car, it would take about 57 trips to carry that many people.

“I’ve missed you on Facebook!”

It’s no shock that people say odd shit all of the time. One of the oddest ways that people have been greeting me over the past year has been with the phrase, “I miss you on Facebook!” I always have the same response. “Have you subscribed to my blog?” They inevitably give one of the following responses: “You have a blog!?” “I thought I did!” or (my favorite) “I mean I miss your posts!” (Hint: Blogs are like Facebook posts without the limitations of a status update.) My friend left FB and found herself put-off over people greeting her the same way. “I miss you on Facebook!”, they’ll say to her. I suggested that she start responding to them with, “I miss looking into your living room window, but you don’t see me complaining about it!”

For those of you that don’t know the story, read about my Virtual Exodus (leaving all Social Media) that happened a year ago. To summarize, I’ve been proving the FOMO-sufferers wrong. “I can’t leave Facebook!” “I wish I could delete my account!” WTF!? People say some weird shit. People ask me how life is without FB and I proudly proclaim that real life is fantastic! It really is great. I’ve said it before, I’ll say it again. Social Media has changed the meaning of the word social. There is nothing social about staring at a screen. Technology has debilitated our communication skills to the point that we fear dialogue. Don’t believe me? When was the last time you exchanged several texts with someone and tried to call them (to make the conversation easier) only to have them not answer the phone. You know the goddamned phone is in their hand! Don’t believe that excuse that they “couldn’t talk at the moment.” That’s true at times, more often than not the excuse is cat shit!

So, how’s life in the real world? It’s great! I’ve become a better student, a more attentive lover, a better coach, more consistent with my own training program, braver in my choreography, and more consistent with my weekly blog posts (but you knew that already). I’ve also been performing about 4-5 times a month. That last note was added for all of the performers that are convinced that they couldn’t work without FB. The service you provide as a dancer/acrobat/aerialist/etc. is invaluable. Hustle for your art. Pick up the goddamned phone and call some producers, set up a website, start a YouTube channel and get some subscribers, but hustle! It may be true that some producers will assume that you don’t exist if you don’t have a social media presence. Let that be your excuse to make your presence known in bigger, brighter, more creative ways. Giddyup!)

I’ll leave you with this thought. Don’t ever allow yourself to miss someone that lives within 10 miles of your home. Reading someone’s status update is NOT connecting with them. Go out and see your friends. Hug them, smell them, talk shit with them, and don’t miss them when it can be avoided. Your challenge for the week is to make a list of three friends that you only “connect” with on anti-social media. Make plans to see those three friends in real life. Even if you don’t see them in the next week, make the plans. Giddyup!

Since pictures are worth 1,000 words (and I’m in the middle of Finals Week-this post was a study break) here are some visual answers as to what I’ve been doing.

I made these pasties for my Venom costume.
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Here’s the “tale end” of that performance as captured by Jody Lyons.
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 Thanks to Noctopia.net (McCracken) for taking the following photos:

Jet Noir at Sin Sisters Burlesque, the Catalyst Club, Santa Cruz, California, 14 February 2015.

Jet Noir at Sin Sisters Burlesque, the Catalyst Club, Santa Cruz, California, 14 February 2015.

Jet Noir at Fishnet Follies Presents the Garter Room, the Legionnaire Saloon, Oakland, California, 2 April 2015.

Jet Noir at Fishnet Follies Presents the Garter Room, the Legionnaire Saloon, Oakland, California, 2 April 2015.

Jet Noir at Fishnet Follies Presents the Garter Room, the Legionnaire Saloon, Oakland, California, 2 April 2015.

Jet Noir at Fishnet Follies Presents the Garter Room, the Legionnaire Saloon, Oakland, California, 2 April 2015.

Jet Noir at Fishnet Follies Presents the Garter Room, the Legionnaire Saloon, Oakland, California, 2 April 2015.

Jet Noir at Fishnet Follies Presents the Garter Room, the Legionnaire Saloon, Oakland, California, 2 April 2015.


Here are some dates and places to see me perform.

Upcoming Burlesque Performances
Monday, June 8 – Hubba Hubba Revue @ DNA Lounge in San Francisco
Monday, June 15 – Hubba Hubba Revue @ DNA Lounge in San Francisco
Friday, June 19 – Red Hots Burlesque @ BeatBox in San Francisco
Thursday, June 25 – Moonlighting SF @ 50 Mason Social House in San Francisco
Friday, June 26 – 3, 2, 1… Sizzle! @ Sacramento Comedy Spot in (obviously) Sacramento
Friday, July 10 – Hubba Hubba Revue @ DNA Lounge in San Francisco
Friday, August 14 – Hubba Hubba Revue @ DNA Lounge in San Francisco

Fitness Classes [Find me on the schedule at Studiomix, in San Francisco]
Studio Road Ride on Mondays @ 5:45PM
TRX Bodyweight Burn on Tuesdays @ 7:15PM
Studio Road Ride on Wednesdays @ 7:00AM
Tabata Cross on Wednesdays @ 5:45PM
Cross Mix on Wednesdays @ 8:00PM
Studio Road Ride on Fridays @ 6:15AM
Tabata Cross on Fridays @ 8:30AM