Watching a documentary is always an interesting trip. I’m driven to watch documentaries for the sake of furthering my education on matters somewhat foreign to me. Before I tell you about my experience watching and learning from “How to Female Ejaculate” (1993) directed by and featuring Deborah Sundahl, I want to cover some language that I’ll be using in this post. People with vaginas are not always women and women don’t always have vaginas. I’ve spent enough time with cadavers in anatomy classes to know that every human body is different. Throughout this post about vaginas and the marvel of vaginal ejaculation, I’ll be using the term women with the aforementioned understanding in consideration. For the CisHet men reading this, please note that I won’t be explaining any “hOw To MaKe hEr sQuIrT!” sort of business. This isn’t about you learning some tricks for the bedroom. This is about self-exploration for women who wish to feel what the presenters in this doc felt. (Dudes, I encourage you to read “Whose Orgasm Is It Anyway?”) Alright, still with me and ready to read on? Great!
From the jump, the early ‘90s aesthetic made my heart sing tunes of nostalgia. The hair and clothes were enough to dive all the way into this doc. Even if you weren’t a ‘90s kid, I think everyone should watch this doc. Human bodies are wonderful and there hasn’t been remotely enough research on women’s sexual pleasure response (more on that lack of research later). For all the CisHet men out there who fancy themselves to be “good at sex” take more time to listen, learn, and study instead of back patting yourself. Watch HTFE for the sake of education, not to “learn some tricks”.
I loved the educational components from this documentary. In the event that you’ve ever believed squirting or the g-spot to be a myth, please watch HTFE. Here are some great takeaways from the video to keep in mind the next time you find yourself with a squirter.
1. Female ejaculate is not urine! I’ve heard a heartbreaking story from a friend who ejaculated all over her lover’s bed and he ghosted after accusing her of peeing during sex. Wow! If only he had watched HTFE and learned some things!
2. The urethral sponge is a much better name for the pleasure receptor than the “G-spot”, IMO. Science has been moving away from the habit of naming areas of the body after the person credited with their discovery. Ernst Gräfenberg was credited with discovering the g-spot, hence the name.
Fun Fact: A quick Googling will show present day arguments as to whether there even is a g-spot and to that all I can rhetorically ask is what the fuck!
Watch HTFE and learn why the urethral sponge is not only a more physiologically accurate term, the naming convention also tells you where to find it. That is assuming that you know where to find a woman’s urethra and of course you know that no one pees out of their vagina (another myth perpetuated by the miseducated).
3. Please note that squirting doesn’t have to be a goal (however, hearing what it means to this group of women could inspire others). Everyone’s pleasure response is different and that’s perfectly fine.
4. The video discusses some techniques for Kegeling. You should watch it for that alone. Imagine being able to work a muscle that helps to give you stronger orgasms! Yes, please! Exercise those PC (pubococcygeus) muscles. You can have stronger orgasms (if that’s something you want).
Fun Fact: Anyone with a pelvic floor can Kegel! (I’ve met some people who were surprised that men can Kegel.)
5. Something I loved about the demo portion (this is a Porn Club review after all) was the reminder that different people call for different methods and yield unique pleasure responses. To phrase it another way, if you have “go to” methods when assisting someone with their pleasure, keep in mind that all bodies are not the same.
Carol Queen, who I had the pleasure of working with (not in that way) last year on a panel at ConvergeCon, had some great points about women ejaculating. She spoke about the sense of empowerment that came from the self-discovery of female ejaculation. Sex education for teens is often inaccurate or non-existent. Sex education as it relates to a woman’s pleasure is even scarcer. When the conversation shifted to safety, because we are talking about a bodily fluid, Carol pointed out the insufficient AIDS research as it related to women’s pleasure response.
I encourage you to watch HTFE, not because you want to learn some tricks, instead because you want to celebrate in the self-discovery of the women featured in the film. Afterwards, you may find out something about your own pleasure response. Even if you don’t, it’s still both educational and an erotic joy to watch.