Striptease and Athletic Endurance Events

This is a post for anyone who watches a burlesque performances and thinks, “I can do that!” Well, it’s not as simple as just shaking a pelvis in the general direction of strangers. Besides, have you ever watched someone finish a Marathon and just flippantly claim, “I can do that!” Well, Burlesque and endurance events have more similarities than many might think.
I dance, therefore, I am an athlete. I am an athlete, yet I also dance. Whether I’m training for an event or rehearsing for a show, there are some similarities between the two worlds.

The Costume Is More Important Than You Think
On stage, your costume will help tell the story of your performance piece just as much as, in some cases more than, your choreography. You’ll spend time, money, and creative energy making sure that it fits right, looks great, and tells the story you want. As a burlesque performer, part of the fit is making sure that it comes off at just the right time and in just the right way. You don’t want to ruin the tease with a surprise reveal!

On the field, your costume will show your allegiance with its flags or color scheme. There will also be messages of love and support to/from your crew. Maybe a patch sewn in to remind you that you’re hoping to win this competition for a loved one who passed away or an injured teammate. You’ll spend time, money, and creative energy making sure that it fits right and keeps you warm/cool/dry when you need it most.

The Audience Is Your Fuel

On stage, making eye contact and flirting with the audience as you tease them into a frenzy is crucial to a burlesque performance. The louder they scream, the stronger your adrenaline will pump.

On the field, not every sport has an audience. As a distance runner, you’ll find yourself on mile 10 with no voice other than the one in your head or the voices in your headphones. But, even as a runner, hearing people cheer you on as you near the finish line will help you to sprint when you thought there was nothing left in the tank. If you’re the partner of someone who is an athlete, supporting them as their biggest cheerleader means more than you can ever know.

Rehearsing & Training

For the stage, even if it’s not a scheduled rehearsal time, you’ll find yourself listening to the music for your act in the car, on the train, at home, and anywhere there are speakers. You go over the steps and the reveal in your head only to constantly tweak and adjust the performance up until the moment you set foot on the stage.

Training for the field could mean weights, cardio, massages, nutrition, the list goes on. Your life has been consumed by this event for which you’ve committed. Even when you sit still, you salivate at the thought of crossing the start line.

Prep Time vs. Event Time

Prep time for a stage performance could take weeks or months. There’s costuming, choreography, and nerves to manage. Once the song begins on night of show, it’s all over in six minutes or less.

Prep time for an athletic event could take six-nine months of training. Once the start has been signaled, it will all be over in a few hours.

Food On Event Day

When taking the stage, no one wants to dance with that full feeling. I normally eat something light before a performance and have food backstage for afterwards. Some people have trouble eating the entire day before performing due to nerves.

When prepping for race/competition day, no one wants to compete in an athletic event with that grumbling belly feeling. But, you never want the wrong thing in your belly either. I once made the mistake of eating pasta for breakfast before a 10 mile run. I’ll spare you the gory details. I’ll just say, “never again.”

On stage, thanks to adrenaline, I never feel tired during a performance. When I come off stage, I can barely speak. Sometimes I’m breathless, sometimes I’m shaking, and sometimes I’m crying.

Off the field, after the event. I’ve cried after crossing some finish lines. Shaking, breathless, tears of joy as I silently celebrate my accomplishment.

Better Than Your Company’s Holiday Party

Are you searching for something to do after your company’s holiday party? Bring some of the cool kids to watch some fanciful Burlesque teasings. Still don’t have plans for NYE yet? Tickets are almost sold out for the Uptown’s re-opening. Check the link below and I hope to see your face in an audience near me soon.

Upcoming Burlesque Performances

Monday, 12/21 @ DNA Lounge (Upstairs)
Monday, 12/28 @ DNA Lounge (Upstairs)
Thursday, 12/31 @ The Uptown
Friday, 1/8 @ The Box Factory
Friday, 1/22 @ Beatbox

Fitness Classes at Studiomix in San Francisco

Studio Road Ride @ 5:45PM
TRX Bodyweight Burn @ 7:15PM
Studio Road Ride @ 6:15AM
Tabata Cross @ 5:45PM
Studio Road Ride @ 7:00PM [Beginning in January]
Cross Mix @ 8:00PM
Studio Road Ride @ 6:15AM
Tabata Cross @ 8:30AM

What’s In My Smoothie / What’s In My Pants

As you can tell by the title, I’m touching two different subjects. The first subject is based on a question I hear everyday. Every goddamned day. The second subject is based on a question one may have when watching me perform burlesque. Let’s get started with the first subject.

Person: “What are you drinking?” Me: “A smoothie.” Person: “What do you put in your smoothie?” Me: “A bunch of shit.”

That exchange happens just about every time someone sees me drinking a smoothie. Here’s what they look like.

People tell me that the green bits make them curious to ask what’s inside. The reason that I often give the “bunch of shit” answer is because there are 8 different ingredients in each batch. I’m not about to rattle off 8 ingredients every time I get the question. So, I’ve decided to post this blog instead. Besides, some of you may find this delicious and make a few smoothies yourself.

It’s worth mentioning… Before you get started, please remember that I’ve made this recipe, or something close to it, every week for over a year. Barring any allergies (foods that cause an allergic reaction are NOT the same as foods that you dislike) don’t make any substitutions until you’ve tried it this way first. The way the story goes, a chef posted a recipe online and some dumb ass decided they didn’t want to prep the dish with chicken so they substituted shrimp instead and didn’t adjust the cooking time. That person went on to complain that it was the worst recipe ever. Don’t be a dumb ass and substitute anchovies in lieu of bananas only to complain to me that your smoothie tastes like cat food.

Here Are The Tools You’ll Need
A high-powered blender (e.g. Ninja or Vitamix)
Scale that measures in grams/ounces
Six (12-16 Ounce) Mason Jars

Here Are The Ingredients You’ll Need
[Be sure to add these to the blender in the following order]
-1st Light Coconut Milk, 8 Ounces
-2nd (Real) Apple Juice (not from concentrate), 32 Ounces (If water is the first ingredient, that shit ain’t juice!)
-3rd Fresh Spinach, 170 Grams

-4th Fresh Bananas, 3
-5th (edit) Flax Seed, 1/2 Cup
-6th Almond Meal, 1/2 Cup (This can be found in the baking section of Trader Joe’s or underneath your own hammer.)
-7th Frozen Fruit, 12 Ounces (Get creative here and be sure to weigh the fruit or else you’ll make too little/much per batch. I’ve used figs, pineapples, strawberries, mangoes, blueberries, raspberries, or similar combinations in this step.)
-8th Steamed/Peeled Beets, 4 Ounces (This amount is small to avoid overpowering the other flavors.)

It’s worth mentioning… It’s no accident that there is no protein powder or GNC-styled supplements in my smoothies. Another question people ask me is, “what kind of protein powder do you use?” I don’t. Powder isn’t food. I like food.

Here’s What You’ll Need To Do
Combine the first four ingredients (in the prescribed order). Run the blender (on any setting) for a few seconds to make room for the remaining ingredients. Once you’ve added everything, run the blender on a low setting just to get everything mixed together. At that point, you can turn it up to full blast to puree everything and let it run for 90 seconds. If you’re using 16 ounce mason jars, be sure that you can see the 12 ounce line. Line up your 6 jars and pour 12 ounces of deliciousness into each one. If you’ve followed the directions to the letter, you may have +/- 1 ounce after portioning them out. You can use that surplus as a taste test if you like. Otherwise, enjoy. When someone asks what’s in your smoothie, tell them all eight ingredients. Or just say, “a bunch of shit.”

Want to see me talk shit and challenge you to exercise at the same time? Join me for a fitness class in San Francisco. Find me on the schedule at Studiomix.

Studio Road Ride @ 5:45PM
TRX Bodyweight Burn @ 7:15PM
Studio Road Ride @ 7:00AM
Tabata Cross @ 5:45PM
Cross Mix @ 8:00PM
Studio Road Ride @ 6:15AM
Tabata Cross @ 8:30AM

What’s In My Pants
Glitter is in my pants! Want to see me sparkle?

Last week, my Mom saw me perform for the first time. She had a great time and was thrilled by all of the attention she received. She smiled the entire time. She’s always been supportive of everything that I’ve ever done (creatively or otherwise) even when she didn’t agree with my tattoos or piercings, she’s always supported me. I often hear the horror stories about families disowning their children for burlesque. Part of the reason that our community is so closely knit is because we accept each other when some people don’t receive that same acceptance from blood relatives. What are you doing tomorrow night? Come out to DNA Lounge and support our community. Support live entertainment instead of a pre-recorded television show. My (very conservative) Aunt asked, “Are you nervous about being naked in front of your Mom!?” I replied, “First of all, I was born naked. Secondly, I won’t be totally nude anyway because of the laws.” Want to see me get mostly naked? You can see my newest act tomorrow (Monday) night. Here are the links to each show and some other places to see me perform:
Monday, June 22 – Hubba Hubba Revue @ DNA Lounge in San Francisco
Thursday, June 25 – Moonlighting SF @ 50 Mason Social House in San Francisco
Moonlighting Flyer_JUNE 2015
Friday, June 26 – 3, 2, 1… Sizzle! @ Sacramento Comedy Spot in (obviously) Sacramento
Friday, July 10 – Hubba Hubba Revue @ DNA Lounge in San Francisco
Screen Shot 2015-06-21 at 08.48.25
Friday, August 14 – Hubba Hubba Revue @ DNA Lounge in San Francisco